sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
