he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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