Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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