hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
All the doctor said was why
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
