you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
