I wish I could teleport
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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