I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
