new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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