My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
