She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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