that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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