i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
