Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
