and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
