didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
...so i touched it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
