Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
