Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
