He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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