wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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