Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
bring money and cleavage
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
