Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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