This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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