There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're earring is so big in my mouth
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
