just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
