He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
