It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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