what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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