I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
