Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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