I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
