we're blogging at a bar
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
operation have a gay friend backfired
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
