Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
