Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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