so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
