I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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