here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
