Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
