An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
