I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
