you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
