so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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