I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize