I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You took a bar mat shot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
