Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
