I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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