We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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