Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
