Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
