would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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