is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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