He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
