My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize