just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize