Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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