You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
