Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
