You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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