Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
