i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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