apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize