if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
