He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
