Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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