I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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