woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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