I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Let's paint friendship bongs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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